"Have you ever met John Inman? David is a huge fan of his!"

"Well, they didn't have horns and tails, so we didn't know that they were from the tabloids."

"Hugo, have you been taking those aspirins with the 'e' written on top?"

"Do you have any idea why they chose us two? I mean, could it be because we're both so incredibly good looking? HA HA!! Ahem. Anyway. . ."

"No, no, no, no -- or, if I'm honest, yes."

"It's the same story, isn't it. He's taken, I'm Git Woman."

"I was just, you know, licking the mirror. You know, the way you do."

"I don't care what the Bible says about girls kissing girls; I'd snog her any day."

"The queen's speech...written this year by Ruby Wax I believe."

"Or I'll be forced to put this somewhere dark. Which will make it impossible for you to walk."

"I have heard more pleasant sounds coming from recently castrated cattle."

"Don't go mad. Oops too late you did."

"Listen, birthday boy. (to picture of Jesus Christ)"

"Look at the three wise men. Trekking thousands of miles just to bring a baby some perfume."

"Oh you Irish, you love your wacky spelling don't you."

Tristan's fiancÈe: "That's what Christmas is all about, isn't it. Love."
"Yes. That and overeating till you spew."